AHHH KELLY CLARCKSON

Soooooo October is the month of new things.....right? Right! I booked an appointment for my first ever Brazilian wax. I have had the Groupon so long that I have traded it / extended it because of my fears.

I am well, a super laid back kinda lady. A very natural kind of woman. I trim when needed and shave when it's a must, or I'm feeling a bit randy. Look, I have been sleeping with the same dude for over a decade. I sign our family cards: ♥️ Two Dudes and a Chick. I live in a house where throwing cup-a-farts are a THING!

I've probably grossed out a few of you now but I'm hoping that out there somewhere there are other ladies like me and I'm not alone. If not it's cool I am obviously confident and set in my ways enough to over share.

Blooming Brows located @ 1476A Fulton Street, Brooklyn New York, 11216. The space it's self was nice. The young ladies who worked there were cordial. I was greeted as soon as I walked in the door. I was comfortable enough to add on services.

The Business is a pro-dominantly black used business. Not owned, but that is their clientele. So I was scanned as I enter the premises by the young ladies waiting to be served. I was almost turned off by the vibe. I can't for the life of me understand how guys find so much community in their grooming facilities and I always feel like I'm being judged the moment I step into a beauty salon, nail salon etc. That however will be a separate post in itself. Besides my mind couldn't focus on their judgement I was way too nervous. I take my seat until the room is free and it's my turn. As I sit I can hear a poor little lamb having her wool stripped away. She's brave I hear nothing but the ripping. Mrs kitty tried to convince me that the little lamb was soon to be slaughtered and moments away from being a lamb platter. She begged me to just get up and leave but I slipped in my head phones and put on my panty dropper playlist to ease her mind."We need this content" I remind myself as a lady in her mid 40's limps out of the room and over to the "head snatcher" to pay. Another young lady also comes from the back and she seems fine . I think their is hope. I'm next?!?!? I'm escorted to the room and told to remove my pants. And lie down. The tech pours gel baby oil on my genital area and rubs it in. The room smells amazing the chocolate wax must be warm and ready. It's probably the only enjoyable part of this experience it's nice and warm as she slides it across the top of Mrs. Kitty. The first strip goes down. I had my phone in hand ready to capture my facial expressions but as the tech starts to forcefully evict my hair follicles from their dwellings. I mean literally ripping them from their homes Mrs Kitty grips my hand and covers my mouth with the other. There's no going back now. After a few snatches lady McRipper tells me to lift both legs and spread them to a "V" first of all impossible the bed is flush against the wall I'm at best in an "L" shape. She starts to work her way down the lips and my right leg must think it can take her down because she begins wrestling with "the snatcher". The snatcher prevails and continues her work with my right leg in a headlock. I will admit the bum portion of waxing was the easiest I don't know if it has anything to do with all the shit it puts up with daily that it's developed a thicker skin or if all of me knew that there couldn't be much more left to be ripped out. A couple little blotch snatches to clean up the last of the squatters and I was done.

Why in the world do women pay to get this done???? I think I was in the most physical pain I've experienced since child birth. I think it may have been worse I was drugged when I gave birth. I should have just performed in the subway!!! [see post transition: digging deep] I can tell the technician was doing her best to be gentle being it was my first time. But, since it was my first time she had to get the job DONE! Now I know what a Brazilian entails, it means everything must go!! Yet I still found myself asking "what you doing down there?" As she opened lips,lifted hoods and yanked her strips. The amount of my Groupon was half the price they normally charge plus an additional coupon so I paid $12.50 to spread eagle for a young lady I just met when some women are paying $30 and building monthly bonds with this "pube snatcher".

This was a first and last waxing unless my husband really likes it and some how sex is a million times better because of it. Honestly I can't say I love what Mrs. Kitty looks like without her fur coat. Imagine one morning your beautiful fluffy Siamese cat just takes a shower ,exfoliates , downs a beer-mosa and comes back home looking like a hypoallergenic furless mess. That's what I currently have living in my pants and I paid for it.